Where do broken hearts go...

i dont even know where to begin...i feel like such an idiot. you ever love someone and know it will be forever? i do, i will, and i lost her. the sad thing is i do not know where i went wrong. i tried to show her even as she pushed me away. before she even went to the hospital on June 10, 2005 i knew something was wrong. for two months it was like she just kept sailing away from me. i was still with her but it felt like she was gone. i listened to a "friend" who told me to leave her alone and let her cool down. i did and for that started a crumbling of everything we had built in four and a half years. my wife felt i was not there for her and that hurt her more than anything. when she got out of the hospital it was almost like my wife was no longer my wife. she would not talk to me...she talked to her friends. she would not tell me what she was going through or if there was anything i could do for her. the time for me grew less and less till there was none at all. out of fear i fought what she was telling me. i just wanted to be there for her and could not understand why she would not trust me. it broke my heart that she would rather turn to others then the one that knew her better than any one and that had been through the same thing. i felt like i was not good enough. like she just wanted me out. i got so scared that i left after staying was not the solution. she did not want me around, she was so hurt and i got so scared. i just wanted to take her pain away and i could not. as the days passed space built up to be as high and long as the great china wall. i begged her three times to come back home and work it out with her, she said no as i cried on my knees. every time she called i ran only to get pushed out again. i dont even care about that i just wish i could look into her eyes one more time. so much has happened in two months that i am left with a broken heart and a lost soul. i know that June 10, 2005 will go down as the worst day in my life, when it all began-at a tie with July 27, 2005 the first time she gave me back her wedding band, and i cannot forget August 5, 2005...(tears running down my face) when i asked a question and she told me "none of your fucking business". i just wanted to hear it from her, i would have dealt with the truth but because one more time she would not tell me the truth, i lost it. i knew then things were not going to change and i reacted with pain leading the way. it only took minutes before i started to think this was never going to end-why would she not tell me the truth? why could she not tell me when i asked that she was texting, calling, and emailing this person...why would she just not be honest. it was so stupid. i really did not care. what hurt was that she would not just tell me straight up which made me think why? she told me everything else, we joked about flirting with people, checking them out and no big deal. this was suppose to have been a friend, what was the big deal. the friend even told me it was not about fucking around it was just conversation, so why did she lie for two months? what were her motives? why lie? i will never understand but i will always regret the loss. where does my heart go from here, how do i let it go when all i can think about still is her. i cannot go anywhere where we have not been. i cannot do anything where i do not miss her. i try to sleep and i reach for her every night. i miss her scent, its like i cannot breath. BABIE what did i do? where did i go wrong? i miss you so much that it feels like i am running out of time. Twice we made love through this all and i cried cause i knew it was going to be the last time, and it was. it meant so much to me what we made that i could feel the hurt in the magic, brought me to tears like a baby. if she would have only realized why...because i had never loved like i love her and i know i never will. my whole body aches, everything i do leads me to cry (inside). i love you Sin, para siempre.